Thursday, January 15, 2009

Cheese, Collies and Coldplay

Right so..aye, I cracked a fairly distasteful joke in class today which went down really well with the students, but no so well with the Korean teachers. We were studying food, using flashcards and that and I was rattling through them quickly, questions and that, and then we came to a big block of cheese.

"Whats this?"
"Cheese!!!"
"Which animal likes cheese?"
"Mouse!!!"
"Good, and which animal eats mice?"
"A Cats!!!"
"Okay...who eats cats?"
"Dogs!!!"
"And who eats dogs?...You do!!!"
"Yay!!!! Korean!!!"

The Korean teachers looked at me like I'd farted in the bath and then suddenly started incontantly laughing. They couldn't believe I'd spoken of such a taboo. To be honest, I couldn't believe I'd said it either. I had done this once before with a different group of kids and had just settled for Tiger or Puma or something, but it just flew out, I couldn't stop it. The children were in fits and fucking loving it, they seemed really proud of the fact that their country is pretty much only known for the fact that they dine on man's best friend.

A little back-up. Koreans in general are almost quite ashamed of the fact that they eat dog. The don't like the world to know about it but they still do it. If they really wanted to bring to an end the international identity of South Korea, they could. It's not as if they're starving here and can only eat Collies, they kill and devour just about every other animal on the face of this earth. The don't need to eat dug. But it's their own seedy, little dirty pleasure. The mankiest of filth ridden dirty pleasures. It's like owning two Coldplay albums. Regrettibly owning the first album as a result of the unjustified hype is almost forgivable but going back in for more shows signs of a disability. You know you should think that they're dribbling, little turnip muching toffs, but you think that every track on "A Rush of Blood to the Head" could be a hit single.

Okay, It's not really the same. In fact it's not at all the same but I have issues with Coldplay and that fact that I like them and what I mean is, they love eating dugs, but don't talk about it. I love Coldplay, but I don't talk about it. I could easily have the five Coldplay albums I own pulped, never listen to them again and have a music collection I would fearlessly put on shuffle when I have a girl round, but what would be the soundtrack to my drunken, suicidal cry wank after an unsucessful night on the pull? Nothing suits morbid depression better than "In my Place".


Ross x

40 comments:

I.P. Araújo said...

Well, I can understand why people get ashamed of eating dogs... but *I* don't understand. So I eat cows. In India they don't eat cows. Should I be ashamed? What did the poor cow to deserve to be eaten? Nothing. Neither did dogs. It's their culture, for god's sake, they shouldn't be ashamed of it. As to Coldplay, well, I guess the only reasonable thing to do is to not play it when you have a girl around, period. =P Unless she was sharing your morbid depression moment. xD

Rhiannon said...

i wish you still updated this. you're funny and i'd love to read more.

Greg Williamson said...

I lived in Korea 5 years and am married to a Korean woman and have never encountered any shame about dog eating. Not many people eat dogs, mostly older men as it is considered a 'stamina food", but no-one seems to be ashamed of this.

BTW - are you the Ross Gardiner who made the "get off facebook" video? It sure looks like Korea

cerca said...

I know this isn't exactly the best place to write this but I just watched your video about Facebook (How many Ross Gardiners could there be in Seoul?) and thought it was wonderful. It didn't come off as pretentious to me either.

Anyway, thanks for that.

The Observer said...

Another completely unrelated comment - I found your video 'You Need To Get Off Facebook' to be really inspirational. I have always been a massive fan of Thievery Corporation too, as it happens.

Free plug - watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UouP8cRYZ8

And I am ashamed to say that Coldplay have released a few ok-ish songs. Or albums. Maybe.

anuszka said...

I liked your short film about facebook that much I decided to find more of your outputs on the Internet. And I found this blog. And I like it even more than movie. I'll be searching for updates. Greetings from Poland.

sniffle_m_snapply said...

Some Filipinos eat dogs.. those who do don't seem to be ashamed of it. Over here though, it's more of a hunger thing, as opposed to a culture thing. On a side note, my father duped me into eating dog meat when I was younger. I have a clear mental snapshot of that dog in a pot of boiling water, dead of course. Thankfully, I have no memory of its taste. I don't have a dog and I'm pretty much terrified of dogs, but I would never ever knowingly eat one. It's just plain gross.

angelea cheong said...

PLEASE UPDATE YOUR BLOG . {:

i find it kind of cruel to eat other animals besides chicken , fish and cow meat but other than that , i find it quite disgusting . to other people i think it's more of a delicacy but who am i to judge ?

MILA said...

yes i found your video about facebook too

this have a lot of problems cuz no one has ever took this kind of things form social media. did u saw the new social medias that only can add 50 friends?
i am very interested in social media and i really like to get contact about another people that i dont have met yet, like you for an exemple.
its nice to see things on internet that makes us fell identify cuz sometimes only to be near or the people near you the real ones is too far anyway
but the comercial thing about social media is very stupid cuz social media are criated and supported and increased for persons that works for it or earns with it, but not by the users.

it still have racism, mental disorder about stupid things like be popular or not, if single or not, i dont mind if someone judge or know where i work (i guess only people i know do, only if i have a stalker one) but the thing about lol and being tagged and the notifications and everything around is really boring

it will be nice to get connected in more mistery ways like have to ask if you are single or not...
anyway nice video, why did you do it, let me ask what happenned?

i have to say congratulations and say too that social media is a great thing made poorly actually

you see, your video is on Brazil.

i am mila, brasilian, from sao paulo city and state... nice

é nois hahaha

sa.ak said...

Man patinka tavo rašymo stilius

A message said...

Just to say hi and how I do appreciate your devotion to show the true face a facebook, I'm clean for 1 year now and I'm proud to say it to any users around me ! They are completely idiot !!!
Thank you so much for your video, makes me feel great about my choice and I'm not alone anymore thanks to you !

Love from Paris !

Raphaëlle said...

You should write a book or something, loved reading your blog!

Reddy said...

hi i loved your joke, i hope they had a laugh, our job ( i am one of them) is easier when they understand the language in a fun way, keep up the good work and that's your first message i read but i'll check the rest (though you posted it a year ago i now see are you still alive?)
and i crashed my car listening to coldplay, that's definitely not the music for me
extra: i don't like dogs, i'd love eating one

Wendy said...

ditto what cerca (and others) said: I really enjoyed your facebook video; it resonated with me. It's strange how there are more and more methods of communication, but less and less communicating. I teach 7th grade English here in the states, and I wish the kids knew what it was like to grow up without cell phones, etc. I really feel like they're missing out. Hope all is well abroad.

pipe dreams said...

I loved reading your blog, you should have gone on writing.
Hope you'll decide to do so sometime. :)

ebru said...

hi, I've seen your video about facebook, and loved it. it's just a universal interpretation of so many people's thoughts and feelings nowadays... however I'm glad that I was spending some time on FB so that I could come across with your video.
congrats for this inspirational vid... looking foward for the updates on your blog.
greetings from istanbul, turkey... (we don't eat dogs :))

Amanda said...

http://rossgardinersblog.wordpress.com/

he's got a new blog! that's updated recently!

morfinli ekmek said...

heyy ross i liked ur blog plz update this ^^
by the way,im livin' in turkey(i know it sounds like thanks giving haha) we dont eat dogs too :D
and i watched ur video about FB,love the way you lick those fingers..
gee ross lick me too haha :D
UPDATE UR BLOGG!
XX

Amber said...

Coldplay...is awesome. But never really thought of it as depressing. Now that I read your blog, watch me get all depressed after listening to them. jkjkbr

How did you get into teaching english in South Korea?
I was thinking of doing that while I was in Japan. Did you go to school for teaching?

<3Ki

Amy Thompson said...

This has nothing to do with your cheese comment, but I am signing up for work over seas and one of my options was to teach English to young children. I know we can't go to lunch or anything, but if you could send me an e-mail to talk about your experience or something, that would be very much appreciated.
amybamf@yahoo.com

MargaridaVille said...

After watching your facebook video i said to myself, i think im in love with this man. And i wont rest until i atleast get to kno him better or meet him. Please email me at margarida2600@yahoo.com. Im 20 from connecticut in the states and you video changed my life. i feel like i just want to become a little more familiar with you :) email me if oul give me the time of day that is :)

V. said...

hahaha, the above made my day :D

Kawther said...

hello :)
I just quit facebook for real. changed my password to something I couldn't possibly remember and quit. Thought you might like to know :)

and thank you...I love you too xx

casadivetro said...

I've been clean for 2 months and 6 days.
Your video struck me.

WarAndLove said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
WarAndLove said...

Hi,

I googled you because I saw the facebook video. And I know you've probably heard this a million times, but your video really got to me. It changed me, a little bit. No, I did not delete my facebook. But I did stop 'liking' things on it now. I was addicted to 'liking' groups on facebook when I could have been doing something way more productive. But sometimes it's the little things that make a huge difference. And your video made a difference in me. Just thought you should know. Also, you're kind of cute. The little expressions you did on the video made me laugh.

Btw why do you do a 'Hindu' god of the week? Just curious.

By,
A random person whose life changed a little bit because of you.

Purple Haze said...

Hi Ross!
Please come back and Write!
is that your video on youtube?
to leave facebook!
actually saw it on stumbleupon.
you are great!
i am from Israel. please contact me back. I'd like to know if you still teach english in Korea. i wish i knew english good enough to teach it. i can teach you hebrew if you'd like!

backcountryskier31 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
pythia007 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
pythia007 said...

Your smile is awesome!
So is your humor...

heatherislove said...

Coldplay is far far worse...

heatherislove said...

Coldplay is far far worse than anything someone could pt in their mouth...

heatherislove said...

Oh, I guess it's just being approved. Impressive. I'm learning so much.

Gin :) said...

Watch a video of a nice guy. Find him kinda funny, kinda cute. Google him. End up reading his blog. Have a few laughs. Go to comments. Someone saying how sad it is that you no longer upload. Bawww.

It would be nice to contact you, tho. Regards from Brasil with an s :)

Cheila Wiggers said...

you write this video?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AyfZFfLel0&feature=player_embedded

I LOVE YOUR WORK!!!
DON`T STOP! people like me need ideas as their.

the boy of video is fabulous too!

Sara Correia said...

hi Ross.
You are a good writer and a nice video-artist, both intelegentes :)

I liked you, so I wrote a text for you.

My name is Sara. I almost always let intuition be my guide. That's why I was an arts student for six years. Of course I might have made a mistake, but that's rarely the case. I don't like finished projects, where words mark the end of imagination. That's not my objective. I can't say whether words or images are essentially more important to me. Even though that decision has to be made eventually. I want you to finish this project. Lately I've been thinking a lot about what language is and about death. One day I'll walk through the forest towards a river and then (...) absolute silence. I like the sound of words more than their meaning. That's the focus of the text. We should understand the words that are suggested to us. It's important make it possible to understand the text as a whole, as a single sound.
Memory and my SELF are connected to the sense the scent of my mother that I can recall with astonishing clarity. Only the moment exists; before and after are irrelevant details. The impossibility of memory, in response to those who insist on sharing everything, pleases me. However, sometimes the following comes to mind: "What would I say if she were here at my side?" Any situation can trigger memory's reward with no vestige of bitterness. I haven't forgotten that day when you ran down the hallway, without a stitch of clothing, but your voice has certainly lost the richness that characterized you. The idea that the voice occurs at the confluence of the stream of sound that leaves the body and a stream of words helps me understand this fact. As it leaves, as it escapes the body, it does not abandon the body, but disperses, always enriching its source. I don't understand emotions or sensations and that's exactly what I intend to do.

thank you for the video and the texts on the blog.

Your video is now in Portugal :)))


Sara Correia

thata said...

your video is awesome!
even though i won't leave facebook because my brother is living in Canada and it's one of the ways we keep in touch, you're so true about the false feelings of having 500 friends or ghave a photoshoped picture in your profile!
in my opinio, to have a facebook is not the problem, the problem is whenm your facebook turns into your real life... and your real life is not what matters anymore...
you are great! congratulations!

Thais Abuchalla (you're now in all media in Brazil ;) )

Lakshmi said...

Ross Gardiner,
<3
Lakshmi.

Aиgela Fernández Ríos said...

=D Hi! i'm chilean... the truth is that i search you in google because i saw your video about facebook, and i love it!! ñ.ñ you say you love us... and i search you to say you taht we (my friends and i)love you too.

And now... off course i love your blog too ñ.ñ

A big hug from Chile!! =)

Ps.: sorry about my english ñ.ñ

Rimbette said...

The Allegory of the cave...I refer to it because every population got a truth, principles and her own definition of the " other", the "savage" (like said Montaigne "The other is us, what we call savage is the person who is the most close to nature ), so no one can judge or anything but everyone is a hypocrite and judge anyway.Haha yes I judge too and I would like to be a person " qui n'est pas conditionnée"...Bref, I feel blasée with all these reflections leading to nowhere, so I'd like to s**ke a little j***t and achieve to an artificial paradise because no matter what we say the world will remain on his positions,and watch Edward Scissorhands.Moreover your joke is really funny!:D (Violet Hill)
PS: I am sorry for all the mistakes I've made, english is not my first language