Thursday, October 16, 2008

If you want roses go to the florist.


I got a bit of a shock yesterday. But it was a pleasant shock, the sort of jolt of astonishment you would get if you were standing in a queue for a newspaper and you suddenly felt the hand of Liz Hurley cup your groin. At first you'd be livid and very surprised by her act of unprovoked sexual assault, but then after it sunk in for a second you'd smile happily and realise she did it because she's a slut.


I was chatting away to a friend on http://www.facebook.com and he asked me, "So Ross, me old ring binder, what's Seoul like?" Now, I have answered this question so many times since arriving here and I'm always more than happy to share my thoughts, opinions, beliefs, outlook, views and experiences with anyone curious about this avant-garde city and the shit that goes down here. But this question was asked late on a school night and I hadn't the energy nor the time to explain the place the place as best as I would like to, so instead I offered my friend a link to my blog. This is where my astonishment cames from...


http://www.facebook.com refused to send the link to my blog to my friend because someone had reported it as too offensive!!!


I know that some of the views and opinions I have spewed onto that page are a bit controversial at times. I have the tendency to get a little carried away with my rants, using crass and explicit language (examples: cunt, pish, fuck, baws, ya big ginger ride, fanny, shite, rasper, Toronto etc.) to get my point across and occasionally touching on subjects that one of a fragile disposition could regard as distasteful (examples: child abuse, rape, sex, mindless acts of violence and kiwi fruit) and so when I think about it I can understand why one may consider my little bloggy wog offensive.

BUT....

You reported it to http://www.facebook.com, you dirty little grass!?!


"Sir, sir!!! Ross was using dirty language sir! He, he, he...he said the f-word, the s-word, eh, ehhhhhhhhh...the c-word, and it was very dirty sir and I think he should be expelled."


Come on. What sort of lay-about, ball scratcher goes to all that trouble of emailing http://www.facebook.com and reporting a website when they read something they can't swallow? Who has nothing better to do that to complain and moan that something they saw on a website was too offensive for their senses? I'll tell you who, old people! Really, really old people.


These old people that sit on their floral patterned armchairs with their tartan slippers on, their reading glasses balanced on the end of their ski jump, stuck-up nose, roasting by a log fire, hand writing letter upon letter to the Television Standards Agency complaining of too much 'filth', 'smut', 'foul language' and 'offensiveness' on television 'these days'. But apparently this sort of person exists in modern times amongst our youth. Sitting in their leather-look computer chair, rocking back and forth, can of Coke Zero and photo of Jesus at their side, huffing and puffing as they send email upon email to different websites and administrators trying to mother people's minds and control content. To these http://www.facebook.com "friends" of mine I say... Fuck you, if you can't grow a set then slap a set on.


Anyways, I suppose I am complaining about this but at the same time I am actually quite proud of myself. My page has been black listed by http://www.facebook.com as an offensive website and one which it does not want it's users to access as it may be offensive to them and pollute their minds. That's actually pretty far out, but I am left wondering what the criteria are for judging offensiveness? Do http://www.facebook.com have a unit of cyber-literate pensioners, sucking on Murray mints and surfing the net looking at reported websites to see if they bring them within a "Fuck you" of a heart attack? Or do they simply have a big list of things you simply mustn't do or say on your website?

  • Maximum of 4 uses of explicit language per 50000 words
  • There must be no references to child abusive, sexual assault, violence, murder, drug use or sexual perversion of a homosexual nature.
  • Thou must not take facebook's name in vein
  • There is a maximum of one flaccid male penis per page.
  • There must not be ANY traces of an erect or semi-erect male penis on said website.
  • Website is restricted to three nipples per page.
  • No mention of our Lord or his son Jesus Christ in a negative or blasphemous fashion
  • No fun to be had under any circumstances
  • Vote McCain


Just because you can't laugh doesn't mean you have to cry.


Offensiveness leads to progress. Everything new and challenging to current beliefs gets labeled as offensive and controversial. People treated, and remain to treat, Darwin's Theory of Evolution as offensive when it was 1st published, and look where we are now...

If you like offense and abuse, theres more to come. Watch this blogspace cunt.

Easy now.

2 comments:

kevin.thurston said...

I am left wondering what the criteria are for judging offensiveness? Do http://www.facebook.com have a unit of cyber-literate pensioners, sucking on Murray mints and surfing the net looking at reported websites to see if they bring them within a "Fuck you" of a heart attack? Or do they simply have a big list of things you simply mustn't do or say on your website?

i'm pretty certain they just have jack-asses like the one who reported you as their barometer. i doubt facebook then follows up, they simply say, 'well, they said it was offensive, let's ban it' and pffft your website is blocked

cid said...

Dear Ross: I am immensely proud of you. One day, I hope that my blog gets blacklisted as well. Love,

Rhett