Saturday, September 20, 2008

You will read or you shall bleed.

My first month of teaching has thankfully been something of learning experience for the children concerned and myself, the “teecha”.

I think the children have learned a bit of English, gained confidence and learned to shut the fuck up when I’m talking. And I have learned that I hate kids and have no respect for them whatsoever.They are moaning little shits that burst out of control the second your back is turned and there is always one little smart arse that thinks he’s better, funnier and more intelligent than everyone else in the room. In every case, that is me. But there are always challengers to my throne as the biggest knob gobbler in the room but luckily, corporal punishment is still legal in South Korea and my co-teachers will beat any child that steps out of my very thin line of terror. What a country! Anytime a know-it-all little dick splash tries to be funnier or smarter than me he can be silenced with a ruler hit to the top of his spine. To know that you have that sort of power at the snap of your fingers (or the snap of their fingers I should say…) can really make you thirsty for more, I mean, just how far can I take this? Would it be unreasonable to exchange the ruler for a meter stick or a 2x4? Could I use this plastic bag to keep a 6 year old smart arse quiet? Or could I simply drop a half brick in the bag and set about the body?

The job of teaching the same lesson 6 times a day can get monotonous and becomes void of creation and inspiration. If I am not using my imagination to its full extent, my brain will begin to deteriorate as the children develop. The only thing to keep my new job interesting and to exercise my cruel and atrocious imagination is to design new, innovative ways to help (or hurt) and discipline (or destroy) small children to the point of redemption and moral salvation. Like I said, half brick in a plastic bag should work a belter. Excuse the pun.

I always said I wanted to be this age in the late 60s and now I have been granted the opportunity to be nasty and mean to people younger, smaller, stupider than myself and be free to get away with it without facing court hearings and public lynchings, all in the name of “personal development and discipline. One day you’ll thank me for this my boy, now gently put your jaw in this vice….”

Cunt Sung-Kim x

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